Stories from Willie The Drink

I sat on the chair with my friend Willie The Drink and played with his old grey whiskers.
"You stop that at once!" he screamed. "Do you want me to tell the story or not?"
"Sorry," I said ashamed.
"It's all right. Now for the story. There lived once a man named Curtain and Curtain once lived in a house that once was built by a group of off-duty sailors who once were embryos. Curtain and his friend Bongo were once very communist-like and once conspired to rid the world of the once very un-communist-like politician who once made the rules that they once lived by. They once thought him very evil and once thought they'd be helping a lot of people by getting rid of him. Once they met outside his house that once was built by a group of builders and discussed their plan. They once had with them a bag of tools which they once thought would make good weapons.

"Once they had finished discussing and once they went up to the door and knocked on the door until the door was answered. The man on the other side of the door was the man they were once after and before he could ask them who they were, they beat him to death with a wrench and a crowbar. They were once trying to find a place to hide his body, but before they had, the cleaner came around. The cleaner once came around and once saw two men with the body of his employer and was then beaten to death with a wrench and a crowbar. The two men didn't want to do this, but once thought they had to in order to keep them out of jail.

"Once, the politician's wife returned home and saw two men with the body of her husband and cleaner. Once, the two men were forced to kill the politician's wife with a monkey wrench and a crowbar. The two men couldn't find a place to hide the bodies, so they once decided to cut them up into little pieces and put them in a car which they once drove with the body parts of three dead people in the boot. They were once driving this car towards a forest which they once thought would be a good place to dispose of the mutilated bodies of three people they had killed. They were driving this car once and were once stopped by a policemen. A policeman once stopped a speeding vehicle on a dark road at night and was once killed with a monkey wrench and a crowbar so that two men who he didn't know could remain out of jail.

"A little boy found an arm sticking out the ground once in a forest he used to play with and once told his mother who once told a policeman. Once, the two men had buried four bodies in a forest with a monkey wrench and a crowbar that once bore their fingerprints. They were once both in a house that was once surrounded by policeman and they once ran out of the house holding guns and were shot and killed. The End."

"Wow," I said. "That was a sad story."
"What are you talking about, you idiot? That was a comedy!" yelled Willie The Drink.