Don't Need Another Set Alight: Why Burning People Shouldn't be Tolerated

I was hovering above my next of kin one day when a bird the size of an apple flew in through the boarded-up window and air kissed me. It was all innocent at first, of course, but eventually I flapped the hell out of that bird and we raised hell together. We didn't raise it very well, mind you, hence the name, so it was allocated the bottom, 'bad people' spot in the afterlife hierarchy. We were so ashamed we threw ourselves off lovers' bluff. But the bitch could fly so only I died.