The Apple o' My Apple Pie

Today isn't Isaac Newton's birthday. Autographs are pointless. Unless you use them for monetary gain, you're an idiot; a start-struck shit. What can you do with barely-readable scribble? Nothing. It serves no purpose whatsoever. It doesn't link you any closer to the star either, because most of them resent autograph hunters and are more likely to share a connection with fans who are wise enough to avoid them. Admire their work and leave it there.