Just Jotting Down These Words Before I'm Faced, Quite Wondrously, With the Demise of Temporary Employment

There I was, The Mighty Jugular, with lips sewn, so as no hindrance arising from brash verbosity could arise, and with feet locked, so as escape, should I want it, would be impossible; and in this situation of my own making, I forced two disobedient pupils to make short journeys back and forth over line after line, in conjunction with my lovely processor within, which tried to make heads and tails out of their findings, and, when failing at this, instructed the two to back-track in the interests of re-assessment. And boy was it ever fun.

Our goal is:
a) To provide our customers with the BEST possible service.
b) To become the most successful of our kind in the WORLD.
c) To inspire loyalty in ALL creatures great and small.
d) All of the above.

Betwixt me and this befuddlement a battle raged, the victor of which won't be revealed until a fair way into the next sentence. So there we stood 'tween the hit-off and the green, our ears flapping in the trees' breeze, our slacks slipping, our eyes darting for the bull's eye marked by a waving white flag over yonder, and shook hands, like all good divisions of winners and losers should: me being the winner, it being the other. This meant that every grain of pride and history and philosophy that they owned and instructed was ground into every natural fibre of my being, and that I was now the embodiment of their soulless body and free of free-will for, I should think, ever.

"How's things, O Hugh?" one might ask. To which I would reply, "Things are focused on maintaining a safe environment for all concerned. By following the eight simple safety steps (ESSS), we at this particular enterprise are working positive wonders for everyone who has not liked the idea of injury, and wished to avoid it at all costs. But be wary: if an accident arises that affects a customer in any way YOU MUST NOT BLAME ANYONE OR TRY TO EXPLAIN THE ACCIDENT OR EVEN MENTION ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE ACCIDENT. Oh and make sure the customer is all right too. Just try to be helpful and calm the customer and DON'T BLAME ANYONE FOR THE ACCIDENT."

And how lovely these outbursts would prove to be at boring dinner parties and the like, where, leaping suddenly from a quiet corner, I would spout every important date in our history, and instill our beliefs upon the the eaters, who would in turn pack their lovely wallets and make for our nearest franchise. And for that I would be handsomely rewarded with advice on the best way to climb the ranks and up my rung.

And then there I'd be, Responsible Hugh, with a tie to tie and decisions to decide; and, back home, a wife to keep everything homely in firm order, and with kids to inspire with my dedication to my responsibilities. I'd stay late to give us extra flexibility in the fund department. And then I'd retire comfortably at 93, safe in the knowledge that I NEVER BLAMED OR TRIED TO EXPLAIN ANY ACCIDENT INVOLVING A CUSTOMER IN MY DEPARTMENT.